This is one of the guiding quotes of my life. I’m sorry I didn’t follow the road most traveled. I tried to want what you want but it’s not me, it just will never be me. I’m not going to become an accountant or a dentist or an engineer and get married and have 2.5 kids and whatever else your little american dream for my life entails. Soon I’ll just be saying peace out.
(Source: pinealglands)
Jeffrey Lewis - The Last Time I Did Acid I Went Insane
First heard this song during a very mild shrooms trip last night…I love it more than words can describe haha it’s so accurate. Look deep into your soul.
They sure don’t. It’s something I’ve been trying to teach myself lately…it’s hard to build a foundation with no support. No security. No direction. I’m making progress…but barely. On paper it looks like I’ve done nothing since I graduated but I need to persevere and do what’s best for ME. Not what will make my grandparents happy, not what will spite my mom, not what the people who know me expect. If I work hard enough I know I can accomplish everything I want without help from anyone. I’m in the middle of a move to Worcester, and I’m starting my bartending training next week. Trying my hardest to file my damn taxes but it has been such a bigger struggle than it ever should be. Got some bad financial news this week that pretty much puts SVA out of the picture for this fall…as disappointed as I am I’m kind of relieved. Part of me wants to go but part of me still knows it doesn’t make sense…I just don’t have 200 grand to drop on college right now and loans are not going to be possible. It sucks but it opens up some doors for me. I’m just taking this one day at a time, not ruling anything out. Because as soon as I rule something out, life somehow turns around and makes the one thing I thought I would never do the exact thing I’m doing.
(Source: blogforthe-recentlydeceased)
so much heavy stuff going on
and I don’t even have a phone right now.
Tonight is my last night in the desert for a while. Sometimes I think I’d be content to stay here for the rest of my life…although I know I’ll never be content STAYING anywhere. Today my grandparents and I drove up to Sedona to photograph Oak Creek Canyon, one of the most beautiful places I have ever had the privilege of visiting. We stopped at a scenic viewpoint on the side of the road on the way back and I walked down a half mile of trail to a river nestled in the rocks, where I had one of the most inspirational conversations of my life. Kind of made me realize that I’m not quite as crazy as I thought; a lot of my goals for my life are completely reachable…even the ones I thought were a little far-fetched. 6 months from now I’m moving to New York to go to SVA, something I never really thought I’d be doing. I can make a life doing what I love, expressing myself, making art, spending time in nature, living more or less on the road.
Until then, I just want to work to survive, explore my mind, work on living healthier and enjoy the great friendships and relationships that I have been blessed with at this point. There is no need to suffer through the next stretch of time living at home. Over the next few weeks I’m going to be signing a new lease on life, and probably signing a lease for another apartment. Only this time, I’m going about it in a smarter, cheaper, more sustainable way; splitting a place in the boro with a good friend of mine. Weighing the pros and cons of living at home with my mom has led me to a pretty staggering conclusion…it will actually be cheaper to NOT live there (a whole bunch of financial mess that I don’t really need to explain on my tumblr…suffice it to say living rent free isn’t going to happen no matter what I do), not to mention a whole lot of stress off my shoulders. Living on Silver St, as fun as it was, was more about finding myself than it was about feasible living…that shit was expensive, although I wouldn’t trade the experiences I had there for anything in the world. Moving season 2012! (a term I am in love with, fondly apprehended from psychedelicately) I’m becoming quite the seasoned nomad for only being 18 years old.
I really believe this is going to be the best set up for me until I go to college, which seems far away but at the same time seems incredibly soon…every day I get more and more excited about it. If I’m going, I am going to take it to the extreme and go all the way…taking my dusty dreams of being a professional artist off the shelf. I do believe that a lot of things happen for a reason, if not everything…I see the ties between things most of the time. Taking this year off was a pretty serious departure from people’s expectations (including my own), but let me just say it has been the biggest blessing in disguise. So so so much would just not have happened if I had gone straight to art school or if I had ended up going to worcester state. I can’t say what would have been better or worse in the long run but I’m pretty glad things have worked out the way they have.
I’m excited for: continued and more frequent journeys to umass, MIKE, a new apartment, new psychedelic journeys into my soul (happening SO SOON), a new tattoo within the next few months (one that’s pretty perfect for me no less), a new school/career path, moving to a big city, my jeep (I promise I’m going to take care of it…I’m pretty embarrassed about my vehicle track record, but nevermind that for now haha…that was a different person driving that camry), quitting chain-smoking (everything in moderation guys), eating healthier/incorporating a more active lifestyle and so many other things. Feeling pretty positive about everything inside and out! Of course there are some shitty things going on but I’m trying to be graceful about the negative…doing a pretty damn good job of it. Ready to embrace all of this and more with open arms.
done for:
forgot about this picture haha I really love it
The Way it Iz
Chillin’, chillin’, minding my business,
Yo Bobby I looked around and I couldn’t believe ‘dis.
Muthafucka don’t doubt,
Just got a call from a girl I wanna dig out.
Her booty was so fly,
Like some sweet apple pie.
She pushes the air out my lung,
Yea she makes me get sprung.
She got an ass so fat you can see it from the front,
She knocks it out the park, she don’t fuck around + bunt
I’ll never trade her, she isn’t Matt Cassell,
That ho’s low maintenance, she ain’t never a hassle.
Later I was chillin’ with my buddy B-Bizzle,
We tight as brothers, no lie, fo shizzle.
He’s always busy with ski club + shit,
If he isn’t then he’s playing with his baseball mitt.
He’s always saying stuff is “JANKY”,
But when he cries, he needs a hanky.
He is such a cool-ass Rican,
At the ladies he’s always peekin’.
The other day, we were rollin’ through the hood,
He always makes me lawl really good.
—-
It’s B-Bizzle on the game now
K-Barn did the same now
Neither of this is lame now
Rappin’ without fame now
K-Barn handled part 1, now Bizzle with part 2
He thinks he the hard one (?), I’ll tell you how he do
K-Barn getting biddies
Off the charts, what is these?
Talk shit, get hit in the kidneys!
Be in the street like poppin’ wheelies
Now he done with the ladies
Same with me but don’t blame me
Now he straight chill, for real
He gives the message to kill
He got a friend named BAM
Ginger, what a jam, haha
He be cooler than a cooler in the middle of the winter
He got a girl named Natasha and says everytime he sticks her,
“How long am I going? I could go for days!”
Me and K-Barn be pimpin’ in so many ways
…………………
Bobby and I wrote this about three years ago and he just sent it to me again…some parts are hilarious and some parts kind of make my heart hurt haha. Funny how much everything has changed and yet some things have stayed the same. A few of these lines are clearly plagiarized but it’s hilarious to me anyway; still gives me a heavy dose of nostalgia. <3
These two cats were my best friends last year. Sucks that I’ll probably never see them again. Alcatraz and Cider <3
It breaks my heart that I have to buy this plant from drug dealers. The fact that something so natural and integral to my mental/emotional/spiritual health and well being is federally regulated makes zero sense. If anything at least legalize hemp for fuck’s sake. Hemp (a relative of the cannabis plant) contains less than 1 percent THC and could solve fiber, textile, and fuel shortages. Why does this government regulate what we can PLANT? I’m not cooking meth in my basement, I’m smoking a God-given, beautiful, medicinal, NATURAL substance. My boyfriend (yeah I said it) and I got 400 dollar “civil possession of marijuana” tickets last week. An ILLEGAL fine after an ILLEGAL search of our car. Even cops don’t know their marijuana laws, and it just makes me sick to my stomach. I can buy newports and GUNS out here in Arizona, but I can’t buy weed. Tell me how that makes any sense. I just want to be able to have an intelligent conversation about it but so many people are still so close minded. It blows my mind that even people in my generation don’t understand it. People think it’s “wrong” to smoke weed or morally irresponsible or what have you. On what basis? I don’t care if you don’t like to smoke, why do you care if I do? I advertise it. I want everyone to know I smoke weed on the daily, and if you judge me for it you can go fuck yourself. I hope and pray every day that my grandchildren (hopefully my children) will never need to know a world where marijuana (or any plant for that matter) is illegal.
